Nipple Rings Pose Threat to National Security
Mandi Hamlin was handed a pair of pliers and told to remove her nipple rings before boarding a plane, according to attorney Gloria Allred. In a news conference on 27 March 2008, Allred said Hamlin was forced by the Transportation Security Administration on 24 February 2008 in Texas. (For those who don't know, Texas is a part of the United States, although some Texans insist it's the other way round.)
We didn't realize nipple rings posed such a threat. We can't imagine any way you could hurt someone with nipple rings, unless you made them swallow.
But if nipple rings are such a threat, surely false teeth are. You could bite someone with false teeth! Maybe we should make every passenger remove anything that could be potentially dangerous before boarding a plane.
If nipple rings are dangerous, surely wedding rings are. What about a watch? A terrorist could use a watch band to strangle a child, or a little person. And what about a false leg? You know terrorists would willingly cut off their own leg so they could replace it with a false one, and then hit people over the head with it.
Come to think of it, if false teeth are dangerous, what about real ones? Maybe everyone should be given a pair of pliers to pull out their real teeth, not to mention fingernails and toenails. And it false legs are dangerous, what about real legs and arms? And speaking of dangerous body parts, if we want to be certain a man can't rape a woman....
Comments
Don't forget sometimes a woman can give you the evil eye. And don't forget the tongue! That could have dangerous terrorist germs.
Posted by: Rev. Bootie | March 30, 2008 01:21 PM
Update: I just finished reading an article on MSN (Mon, March 31) that the TSA is already in the process of changing its procedures and that Mandi Hamlin accepts that as an apology and is pleased with the agency's actions.
But I have no doubt something else equally silly-or traumatic-will eventually happen again.
Posted by: danacasso | April 1, 2008 06:17 AM
Wow, this was reported what? Last week? And it's already been swept under the carpet.
Huh.
Posted by: danacasso | April 3, 2008 08:45 AM
Have you ever been attacked by a nipple ring? Scary!
Posted by: yourkshire pudding | April 4, 2008 03:06 PM
I think all terrorists should wear nipple rings so we'll know who they are. If you think someone might be a terrorist, all you'd have to do would be to pull up their shirt and look. That would be a great way of finding terrorists. Or at least of seeing a lot of naked chests and boobs.
Posted by: Not Necessarily Who I Claim To Be | April 25, 2008 07:09 AM
You shouldn't be worried about rings. I notice there's no postings here suddenly. Is that because Reverend Loveshade you're having a little trouble right now? You thought being a pastor in The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day would keep you safe to practice your polygamy. Well the FLDS Church ain't keeping you safe now!
Posted by: Jim Robertson | May 2, 2008 07:12 AM
They made another post, Jim. But stay away from me. I'm a nipple ring wearing terrorist! At least I am if nipple rings scare you. If not I'm just a hot babe. ;-)
Posted by: Alice Doesn't Live Here | May 29, 2008 08:05 PM
Jim: Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't get arrested. At least not this time. Don't worry; they'll get me sooner or later. Preferably after I die of old age.
Posted by: Reverend Loveshade | May 30, 2008 09:05 PM
Look at me. See my nipple rings? I'm DangerGirl!
Posted by: Lauire G | June 9, 2008 05:57 PM