It's a Baby!
Yes, Olivia aka Miss Monkey Candy aka Ms. Candy Money pushed out a baby girl at 05:28 local time on 11 June 2011. The baby weighed in at 3676 grams (8.1 lbs), and was 51.4 cm long (20.23 in).
Labor took 12 hours, which I'm told is short for a first vaginal birth. That's counting from the first "I think that was a labor pain maybe." For some reason she didn't want to watch Knocked Up. So we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Confessions of a Shopaholic. You can guess which one I chose.
Hard labor, the 10 cm mark, was much shorter. Seemed like forever to me. Now it's about a week before I, Reverend Loveshade, have my first Father's Day. Unbelievable.
I don't know how I feel. Happy, nervous, overjoyed, and scared as hell. And newborn babies? Talk about wet and messy. How can something be so ugly and so beautiful at the same time? Face red and scrunched up with a cone head. That was me. Seriously, I know that's natural for a newborn, but damn, birth is messy. But it's a life, a human being that grew from almost nothing. Amazing.
Olivia handled the pain well and used natural methods (and safe natural substances) to reduce it. I couldn't handle the pain and had to walk out three times. One time Olivia walked with me and held my hand. And Olivia's sister Amelia who's only 12 kept reassuring me everything's fine. Incredibly sweet for them, incredibly pathetic for me. The midwife, thank Goddess for the midwife, we erisened with a Discordian name of Nurse Velvet Hands. E was amazing. I think the girl started studying midwifery with es aunt when age 15 or so and I suspect Velvet could have handled births when Amelia's age. A complete natural. They said the birth was textbook perfect.
All right, the baby girl's name. We had asked for suggestions for a name and got several at 23ae.com and by email (namethebaby@loveshade.org will no longer work). We narrowed it down, and thought we'd do like Pope Hilde and Fundament did; say our favorites and wait for the girl to touch Mommy's breast to choose. But the girl didn't wait for us to start the names, so that didn't work.
So let's open the envelop, please: the name goes to Lexena Rae. Lexena was suggested by DrOwl and Minnie Rae by Miley Spears. We actually wanted a unisex name, but Olivia liked the look of Lexena Rae better than Lexena Ray, and anyway "Lex" is unisex. As Miley Ray Cyrus is a Discordian American Princess and Minnie Rae is a Discordian saint (and an ancestor on my Mum's side), it seemed like a good choice. It's also a little nod to Corinne Bailey Rae and Jason Rae. Anybody know what Lexena means?
Other names we strongly considered were Alice (my initial first choice), Drew, Dylan, Emma, Erisia, Hilary, Holly, Jamie, Shamin, and Puffle Toes Twinkelton. Well, maybe we weren't that serious about the last one.
Lexena Rae wouldn't wait another 9 minutes past 5:28 to be born at 5:37, which is the number of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild. But we figured 2 +1 = 3 and 8 - 1 = 7, so it still works out.
And yes Amelia the computer whiz did the math. Olivia's the one who gave birth, but I'm the one who couldn't think straight. I still can't.
Photo by Anton Nossik from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/29/Breastfeeding_a_baby.JPG/800px-Breastfeeding_a_baby.JPG This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.
Comments
That's totally awesome! Congrats to you both! I was happy to give suggestions for a name but it's cool you chose something else. What's important is you and your baby like it. Of course I don't feel your baby will care right now! lol
It's cool my graduation went with your birth. We're both in The Loveshade Family so is Lexena Rae my niece or my cousin?
Posted by: Lorien Loveshade | June 12, 2011 05:20 AM
That's great and I'm very glad everyone's doing well. The production of a human being seems amazing to me as well.
As for relatives, I collect nieces and nephews so I'll add Lexena Rae to my collection.
Congratulations!
Posted by: Alden Loveshade | June 12, 2011 02:10 PM
A nice life enters a dark world in an attempt to bring a little light. But a little light in darkness creates shadows. And isn't that a fine thing for the Loveshade Family?
Congratulations.
Posted by: Hakim Bey | June 13, 2011 02:12 AM
Terrific news Revy Love! I'm so glad it all went well.
Congratulations to you and Olivia and to Lexena Rae. Cherish this moment and all moments as your little girl grows. Remember life is not a destination, but a journey.
Best blessings!
Posted by: TawTew the Naturally Perfumed | June 13, 2011 04:29 AM
Another LOVESHADE?!?!?!
OH MY GODDESS!!!!!
Posted by: Rev. Bootie | June 13, 2011 07:20 AM
That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. A new life is born!
Send my best wishes to the whole family and your midwife!
Posted by: Marie Gilbert | June 13, 2011 09:10 AM
Congrats and all. Now begins hundreds of diaper changes.
Keep on truckin'!
Posted by: Tom T. Trucker | June 13, 2011 09:12 AM
I just saw this so congratulations. Please remember a child needs love. Be open to sharing the greatest love that exists in the world, the love of God for us and his son Jesus.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
John 3:16
Posted by: Christian Andy | June 13, 2011 11:29 AM
It's a baby
I'm here to say
I hope she's great
in every way.
Posted by: M J Lover | June 13, 2011 02:10 PM
A hearty Mazeltov. congratulations may you have many more. Have a virtual cigar.
Vern
Posted by: Vernon Avaritt | June 13, 2011 05:44 PM
Wonderful news! Babies are unpredictable. I didn't know how Erisa Roze would choose her name it just happened.
I am so happy for you. There's a lot of work ahead of you both. But before you know it she'll be running around everywhere and whole new chapter will begin.
Enjoy this time when she'll stay where you put her.
Love to you all and Goddess bless!
Posted by: Pope Hilde | June 13, 2011 05:52 PM
I would like to congratulate you on the birth of your baby. Earth has not seen an immaculate conception in so long. I will have happy to perform the baptism ceremony and the erisening.
And I thank and bless you for having be beatified. I was hoping to be Beatlefied but that will do.
Yours sincerely,
Pope John Paul
P. S. Have you seen Pope Ringo George?
Posted by: Pope John Paul | June 14, 2011 09:06 PM
Congratulations! Thanks for choosing Rae! I should make that my middle name.
I know a book you should read to your baby girl. It's a great bedtime story! It's called "Go the F**k to Sleep."
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Note from the management: This link given by the poster leads to words that generally cannot be said on national broadcast television in the United States. People have been fined for saying these words on TV. If certain words offend you, we recommend you don't go there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yqVnCAiWHw
Posted by: Miley Spears | June 15, 2011 07:34 AM
Another baby in this big crowded world. Make room, make room! Bob bless!
Posted by: I Stang U Stang Too | June 15, 2011 11:55 AM
Lorien, you can call Lexena Rae your niece, cousin, even aunt if you want. Calling em your mother or daughter might be a little weird. Anything else is OK!
Posted by: Reverend Loveshade | June 16, 2011 01:43 AM
Perhaps you might know already, choosing rid of stretch marks is already any incredibly hot fashion within affected skin care/beauty market; there are several guides out there which in turn say can help to display ways to get rid of your current gross stretch marks. Although some people might of these products will most likely not price your energy and time and even moolah.
Posted by: can you get rid of stretch marks | June 19, 2011 02:47 AM
Rev. Loveshade, congratulations on the new baby. Know this. Not everybody who says they want to have your baby is joking. If I need to do a pregnant shoot, I may look you up. ;)
Posted by: Deviant Discordia | June 19, 2011 10:55 AM
I ask this girl
WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
Somebody knocked up your mom
WHO IS IT?
Posted by: Rev. Roadkill | June 19, 2011 11:13 AM
Deviant Discordia, yes, I am fully aware some females who say they want to become pregnant by me are serious. I've been approached for such a service in real life. But I suspect most of them who post online aren't. And of course some of them could really be cannibalistic space alien mutant cabbages who want to meet me so they can eat my brain!
Thanks very much for the compliment! But I have some conditions. I will willingly try to impregnant any female who does one of the following:
1) Enlightens all of The Agents of Greyface.
2) Proves beyond the shadow of doubt who shot John F. Kennedy.
3) Reveals the cure for all heart disease.
4) Discovers the cure for cancer.
5) Is Olivia.
See some "make me preggers" requests at http://loveshade.org/blog/2011/01/are_we_pregnant.html
Posted by: Reverend Loveshade | June 20, 2011 08:33 AM
This kind of Single dads Day time had been one of the best single dads morning I've ever experienced. The kids dealt with me to breakfast time during sex and then we traveled to this car park and played hook. It had been wonderful to get outdoors and relish the wonderful weather conditions and not have to concern yourself with anything at all and merely delight in time together with my children.
Posted by: PFGDC | June 20, 2011 03:27 PM
In a few years, that baby will rule the world. Of course the world ends in 2012, so that's a moot point.
Posted by: Pope John Paul George Ringo | June 22, 2011 11:55 AM
Monkey see monkey do. Now Discordians everywhere will be popping out Discordian babies. Poor Mother Earth.
Congrats!
Posted by: Chin Chin | June 23, 2011 12:01 PM
I discovered the cure for cornflake toes! Bring your golden gun and I'll give you the key that unlocks me. ;)
Posted by: Cornflake Girl | June 23, 2011 09:42 PM
Wishing you the very best for your little family!
=)
Posted by: Petit Bateau | June 24, 2011 07:41 AM
Hi there! Would you mind if I share your post with my twitter group? There's a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content because this subject is exactly what they are interested in. Please let me know if you have any reservations. Thanks
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Nope. We wouldn't mind. For anyone else, you don't have to ask for posting content of this blog--this does not include other parts of the site--as long as you give due credit and link back here. That's as of this posting. To see current policy, ">http://loveshade.org/blog/read_before_posting/
Posted by: IBS | June 28, 2011 09:35 AM
Pope John Paul George Ringo has spoken as a true prophet of mine. Lexena Rae will transform the world and then the universe. I guarantee it. Would I lie?
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Discordianism
Posted by: Eris Discordia | June 30, 2011 08:25 PM
My God! Well and well!
Posted by: PaibithMagMob | July 1, 2011 10:58 PM
I'm almost 16 and I really want to be on TV because that's my destiny. I love 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2. I would be willing to have your baby and you wouldn't have to pay child support. I can get help from MTV because they support the teen moms. Please email me so we can meet.
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For the sake of the poster, we're going to assume this is a sincere post. Wanting to be on TV is not sufficient reason to become pregnant. For one thing, there are millions of pregnant teens out there and only a small handful of them get on TV. For another, being on a reality TV show last a short while, while having a child lasts the rest of your life. You're more likely to make it through singing, art, mathematics, spelling, modeling, science, etc. We would suggest you speak with a counselor, psychologist, or spiritual counselor. Good luck!
Posted by: Priestess Hannah | July 4, 2011 04:51 AM
My God take off that obscene photo! Kids could come here and see a woman's breast! Kids DO NOT need to see that! You want them getting the Janet Jackson Syndrome?
Posted by: Syndrome | July 4, 2011 03:20 PM
I believe in motherhood, being a stay-at-home mom and taking care of my family. I want to have a baby. Email me. ;)
Posted by: Lovely EJ | July 5, 2011 06:25 AM
Best of luck to Rev. and Mrs. Loveshade on the birth of their new baby girl. A new Discordian American Baby LOL!
Posted by: Aron Paycheck | July 11, 2011 05:56 AM
lol. I love Miley! She's so wild!
Posted by: Brad Bower | July 14, 2011 01:20 PM
Just heard. Great news. Congrats on the poop and pee factory.
Posted by: Peedy Troll | July 30, 2011 05:39 PM